


Not enough

by beenicetobees



Series: Autistic Dan and Phil [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Autism Spectrum, M/M, Meltdown, Old dan and phil branding, Understimulation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 02:02:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16777411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beenicetobees/pseuds/beenicetobees
Summary: Autistic Phil deals with understimulation





	Not enough

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this like a really long time ago and it's really cringy @me

Silence.

The type of quiet when no amount of noise can fill it. The kind that suffocates you so much that you cannot even tell if you yourself are even there. 

The was the type of quiet surrounding Phil Lester right now. 

Not just was it quiet, it was empty, like somebody had sucked all the air away from around him and the only thing left was space.

Phil put his favorite Muse playlist on, careful that it was quiet enough not to wake Dan up in the next room. It wasn't enough.

He rubbed his fingers over his bumpy tangle toy and chewed aggressively on his silicon pendant. It wasn't enough.

He harshly slammed his forearm into the edge of his desk, making him cry out in pain. It wasn't enough. 

Phil got out of his chair, making a soft clicking noise with his tongue. He paced back and forth, over and over, trying to listen to the music, trying to fill the space, but he couldn't.

He needed Dan, he needed his bear to hold him and tell him everything would be alright. He needed dan to do the thing he does where he hums so low Phil can feel it in his chest. 

But Dan is sleeping, something he hasn't done in a while. He's been so tired because his thoughts have been racing all through the night. Phil couldn't bear to wake him up, who knows when he'd sleep again. 

Phil sped up his pacing and suddenly, in an action he didn't even remember, there was a hole in the wall, his hand was bleeding, and he was screaming.

He didn't register the door hurriedly being thrown open as Dan rushed into the room. He rocked back and forth as Dan's strong arms were wrapped around him, not to restrain him, but to comfort him. 

He felt Dan's touch and it was something. Something to fill the space around him. And there was also the low vibration of Dan's hum, grounding him to be right here, right now.

He stopped screaming but continued to whimper and cry, snotting all over Dan's shirt. When he loosened his grip, Dan began to get up. Phil cried out, trying to get him to stay. 

"Don't worry baby, I'm just getting you some tea. I'll be back real soon." Phil nodded minutely.

A few minutes later Dan returned with a cup of warm tea, with milk and two sugars. They sat there silently as Phil slowly sipped it.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," he said when he regained the ability to speak.

"No need to be sorry. I was having a nightmare anyway."

"Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, are you?"

"Mmm hmm," Phil hummed. He buried his face in Dan's shoulder. "Will you stay?"

"'course I will,"

And together they filled the void.


End file.
